Final Starstination

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Final Starstination

Post by Grap_O_Phobic on Sun Aug 09, 2009 7:10 am

After seeing some Final Destination-like Mario fanfics, I only figured I had to do something of the sort for Homestar. As gruesome as it will be for some, it has to be done.
RATED T FOR VIOLENCE AND ALCOHOL.

Chapter 1: Sight of Future

Location: Homestar's House
Date: October 31st 2009, 7:00PM

Homestar Runner had organised a party for the autumn holiday widely known as Halloween. Everywhere in the house, there were decorations, all of which were colo(u)red orange or black. There were also Fluffy Puff Malloweens served, which only Homestar ate.

Everyone was there, bearing different disguises. Pom Pom wore a costume to make him look like Kirby, Strong Bad was disguised as Bender from Futurama, Homestar was dressed as Harry Potter, while Coach Z was dressed as MC Hammer. The Cheat was dressed as Sonic the Hedgehog, while Marzipan had a costume of a Hillbilly Singer (from the Muppets Show (yes, again) ), the King of Town was costumed as The Burger King, Homsar portrayed Olimar, the Poopsmith represented C-3PO, Strong Sad was dressed as Tik Tok, Strong Mad wore a SpongeBob disguise, and Bubs had a costume of Goliath, from Gargoyles.

However, not everyone was having a good time.

Oh man, the Cheathog! This party is almost as boring as King of Town's from last year!

Alwight evewyones! The cold ones awe WEADYYYY!

Alright! This may not suck so bad after all!

Then, everyone started taking some cold ones.

*puts down cold one* Alright, Strong Sad, you're gonna have to drink several bottles of cold ones!

Why would I?

Because if you don't, I'll smack you down with this rusty spiked glove I got earlier. *holds up glove*

AH! I'm still not drinking. Don't you know that drinking too many cold ones causes you to act weird?

Alright, that is IT! Prepare to meet that fist!

But wait! How can you wear that thing with boxing gloves on- AH! *gets glove tossed in his face* *falls on ground*

I had a feling abort this!

Strong Sad finally woke up a few minutes later. Everyone was gathered around him except Strong Mad, Strong Bad and The Cheat.

Whoa... what happened?

DaAaAaAaA, tubby man saw the stars of Michelangelo!

Yeah, basically, Strong Bad knocked you out with his freakin' glove he was supposed to return to me yesterday! (looks to the left as he says the last few lines)

(offscreen) Hey, I didn't rent that one, I bought it!

Well, now that evewybody is alwight, we can continue whatevo we weo do-ing... which was... uhhhh...

The Halloween party?

Oh yeah, wight. I fowgot what we weo heo fo...

(annoyed) Homestar, you're the one who organized this party!

Oh, so you knew about this, huh?

*sighs*

The party pretty much kept going for a while.

Oh man, you guys! Now that I clobbered Dumpus with that rusty ol' glove, it's entirely pointless! Uyah! *tosses glove in the chimney fire*

Strong Bad, you crazy guy! You were supposed to bring that back to me!

Bite my shiny metal rear, then!

*sighs, runs to go get the flaming glove* Ah! Hot! Hot!

Bubs tosses the glove in a corner of the room, which then starts spreading the flames. At a surprisingly fast rate.

(panicking) Holy cwap! Fiyo! Fiyo! *gets an idea* Wait, I know! I'll douse the flames! *runs to snatch a bucket of water, then starts tossing it at the flames*

:homsar: DaAaAaA, there goes the neighborhood!

Holy crap! We have to leave!

Just then, a flaming beam of wood falls right in the way of the door. Then another falls directly through Pom-Pom, popping him.

NOoOoOo... Pom pom! How could you die? WHYYY?

Man, all this fire talk makes me so hungry. I'll take some of those Malloweens! *starts eating the whole bag like a pig, when a bit of flame falls on the bag, soon consuming it all. The marshmallows are burnt to a deadly crisp, as KOT attempts to chew one. It lands in his throat, making him choke to death.

*holds a sign saying 'NOOO!'

Finally, we remove some of those lame characters! But us awesome ones have to leave! Except you *points Coach Z*. And you. *points Marzipan* Oh, and you too. *points Homestar*

You guys! Stop bickering! We have to find a way out of this burning mania!

Oh, hey! I know! We can go in the kitchen! I have an emogen-ma-jig door there!

And you didn't tell us before...

Exactly! I love to build up suspense!

Well, we can't go there, the flames are already taking down that door!

Just then, a beam of wood swings off, bumping Homsar into the flames.

DAAAAAH! Tis the end of the road for me!

After some more burning, Homsar falls down dead on the floor, with a dark gray skin. His hat falls off dramatically.

Not another one! We have to leave this place before we die!

No one cared about him anyways!

I DON'T LIKE THIS! *walks up to the flaming kitchen door and bashes it away*

However, the flames spread over there like nuts, as if there were gasoline. Just then, one of the cupboards falls off and blocks the exit door. The curtains then catch on fire, preventing exit through the window.

Oh man... I don't feel so good. Feels like it's boiling inside of me wight now.

Good! Like anyone cares.

Quit it, Strong Bad! Your negativity isn't helping!

Well, your... uh... Marzipan-ness isn't helping either!

AH! I'M BOILING! HELP! HELP!

Steam was coming out of his ears and mouth.

Ack! The fire's heat is boiling the water inside his body! He must've drank too many cold ones!

Suddenly, he catches on fire, spontaneously, and ashes fall down.

Then, a cupboard falls down. The Cheat sees that it's headed towards him, and jumps away, but his legs get squished in the process, leading to an agonizing death.

(looking up) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Now, you see what's going on? We have to do something!

Well, if you had returned your blasted glove, no one would've died!

Bubs, it was BOUGHT! Don't you remember! You said I could buy it for 999$. And I happened to have that money.

Well, you didn't hear me right. I said you could BORROW it for 999$.

Coach Z then accidentally knocks a glass of juice on the ground.

Ooh! Parden me there!

He goes to pick up the glass, but trips on the juice, then hits the drawer, which drops, and lets free its content: Knives and forks.

OORGH!

You know what happens next.

Noo! Coach! And we just reconciliated!

Big deal. No one liked him.

*stares*

Oh yeah, right. No one but one.

Everyone's dieing! But why? Did we ever do anything wrong? Well, I know I didn't! *walks away, mumbling about the others not respecting the environment*

There's only six of us left! We have to find a way out, or we're good as dead!

This is a bunch of crap! *smack table* Why do they kill off cool characters along with the uncool ones?

The table lets loose, making Strong Bad lose his balance. His head lands on a table leg, severely hurting him.

HOLY CRAP! They're going for me next! You can't kill off awesome!

Just then, the lamp lets loose and drops on his head, hurting him some more with the glass bulb. Just then, a bit of flame lands on his left boxing glove.

AH! I'M ON FIRE!

Well, take your gloves off, then!

That was so funny I forgot to laugh!

The fire starts to spread towards the arm. Luckily, Marzipan was nearby and doused the burns with water. However, just then, the sink started to overflow. The other characters had a reflex to jump on the crashed table. Suddenly, an electrical cord bust off and landed in the water, landing the final blow on Strong Bad.

NOOOOO! WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN, LIFE?

Well, there's only five of us left, now!

What do we do? We're stuck on this broken table with 8 dead people, and the water is rising! On top of that, it's electrified!!

The Poopsmith takes his shovel, and tries to push the table away. However, the table had too much weight, which didn't work.

Bubs then decided to take the chairs and make a path to the couch. Everyone makes it but Bubs, who tripped on a chair, then his head hit a chair leg, knocking him out cold.

Oh no! There's only four of us now!

The water was already halfway to their height. Just then, a burning beam of wood falls on the couch, which proceeds to consume it slowly.

I dunno how this thing didn't catch on fire before.

The Poopsmith attempted to smack down the fire with his shovel, but the flame was already big enough, which means that the wooden part of his shovel caught on fire, then proceeding to burn him. Without thinking, he jumped in the water to douse the flames, but got shocked instead.

Whoa. Death is really uncreative.

IF I DIE, I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME!

Uh oh.

Huh? *looks around*

The water was almost to their level. The TV set was rather loose, and about to crash in the water, to deal even more damage. Strong Mad was looking around in worry. Just then, a beams swings off vertically as SM looks up. However, the end of the beam was rather sharp, which leads to stabbing.

Strong Sad shrieks in terror. Just then, he and Marzipan felt something.

ACK! THE WATER!

However, they didn't get shocked. Marzipan did, however, receive another beam in the back of the head, knocking her out cold in the water, to die of suffocation.

Strong Sad then heard cracks. The house was collapsing! He couldn't get out, since all the exits were blocked by flames! However, a bunch of objects started dropping on his head, covering him and the others in debris.

---

However, just then, he wakes up, with everyone looking at him but Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and the Cheat.

Oh no! The dream! It's happening!

What the gibberish are you talking about?

Yeah, Strong Sad, make some sarnse, will ya?

I just saw you all die!

WHORT?!

Come on, Strong Sad! We're not dead!

But the dream is re-occuring! Strong Bad is going to throw a glove in the fireplace, and Bubs will pick it up to start a house fire! Then we all die one by one!

Oh, I believe you, Strong Sad. It's just... strange, and unlikely!

Oh man, you guys!

*gets up and runs towards Strong Bad* DROP THE GLOVE, STRONG BAD!

No way! I'm so done with this thing! Uyah!

Strong Bad tosses the glove towards the fireplace, but Strong Sad catches it after a slow-mo clip.

No way! You're not having this! Rather die!

Oh, trust me, you wouldn't! Your death is even worse than you could think! Your head lands on a table leg real hard, then you get a lamp on your face, your glove burns, then you get electrocuted!

Lies! All lies! The mighty Strong Bad does not die by electricity!

But it IS true! That is, if you toss the glove in there!

I'LL TAKE IT!

Well, I guess I can trust you with that.

(cheat noises to Strong Sad)

Well, you were the 5th one to die. And it looked SOO painful!

(terrified cheat noises)

Oh, thanks a lot for scaring that poor The Cheathog!

Why won't you ever believe me?

I don't see the light at the end of the San Fransisco tunnel!

Maybe I should tell you all what I saw...

---

And then, the house collapsed on me. That's when I woke up here!

(angry bubbling)

Yeah, that pwobably wouldn't happen in weal life.

Farks? Knaves? What the heck is this garble?

No marshmallow would ever kill me! They're all nice! And soft. And yummy!

YOU ARE A LIAR!

Knocked out cold by a chair, hey? That's preposterous!

DaAaAh! I don't have spaceman physics in landtime!

But it is true! You all died because of Strong Bad's glove!

Well, what counts is that we didn't die, right?

You know, this is starting to sound like that stupid movie series with all those guys dieing painfully.

Final Destination? Ooh... I guess it does! This doesn't look good!

Don't worry! It's only a movie! That can't happen to us!

:sad: But the premonition! It's all starting to shape up! I have to go! *runs for the door*

What a baby.

/\/\

Well, there you go. That's the first chapter for ya. So, whadd'ya think? I never watched the movies, but I DID read the Mario fanfics, so I have a good idea of what things should be like. Also, this chapter was more humor-driven than the rest will. The story will most likely take a turn for the worst soon.

Anyhow, comment! Also, if one of you is shocked at the death of your fave character in the dream, then don't worry, they're not really dead.

Grap_O_Phobic

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Re: Final Starstination

Post by Achenar on Sun Aug 09, 2009 7:03 pm

Very Happy That was random my friend. But it is a GOOD random! Wink Well written,but not much of a plot (Waah I sound like a jerk), 4/5
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Re: Final Starstination

Post by Kinda Long Hair on Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:52 pm

That was grood! Er I mean great... Good and great!
Nice goin' getting to be semi-understandable!


Anxiously waiting for chapter 2
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Re: Final Starstination

Post by Uzi-Bazooka on Sun Aug 16, 2009 12:47 pm

Personally, I think you could just stop the story right there. I mean, all of the parts of one of today's bestselling books are here: you have the problem, the solution, *a few* funny bits, gruesome death, gruesome death, gruesome death, gruesome death, etc., and it leaves the reader in suspense, so that if it gets popular enough, you can make a sequel!
These days, that's all you really need for a popular book.

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Re: Final Starstination

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