THY DUNGEONMAN II: NOW WITH MORE YE FLASKS THAN EVER! (under new parserment)

Ye doeth so. Besides his PROTESTETH TOO MUCH, ye throweth him out. Violently. He cryeth a little. What wouldst thou deau?

>MAKE FUN OF HIS MOTHER_

Ye doeth so. He weepeth like a DRUNKETH BABY and wanteth his MONEY BACK. He never spenteth any money here, that's for sure. What wouldst thou deau now?

>GIVE HIM SOME SAGE ADVICE. THEN THROW A FULL CONTAINER OF SAGE AT HIM_

You:"Boy, look, you can't run around naked in pub'lic bars just 'cause you feel like it."
Him:"I swear, it was the STRANGE LIQUID."
You: "Yeah, I sell STRANGE LIQUID. If you can't hold your liquor than you can get out of town. Because this is Bartown."
Him:"Why would the mayor name his town Bartown?"
You: "Good ol' Ernest B.A Bartkeep. Everyone called him Barkeep. He founded this town one night while in another STRANGE LIQUID induced stupor. He decided that the only true way to run a town, was to run it solely on bars. That' why every building here is a bar, a pub, or a dive joint."
Him: "What does B.A stand for?"
You: "Bee Ayy."
Him:"Where do you get all your bar stuff?"
You:"Bar farms, in bars."
Him:"You only eat bar food and drink here? You can't subsist on peanuts alone!"
You:"Haven't you heard? BEER IS LIQUID BREAD!!!"
Him:"I don't think it works that way."
You:"In that case I got something for you."
Him:"Thanks?"
You: "Here you are."
Him: "Sage in a container? What am I to do wit-AAAAUGHH..."
You:"DON'T BLASPHEME BARS AND BAR PRODUCTS IN MY PRESENCE."

You yell at the man for several minutes afterwards, but he is most certainly unconscious.


>_

>Be the imp_

TEXT-ONLY EDITION:
You are now an IMP, a brown monstrosity covered in white spikes, called from the depths of HELL itself to kill the DOOMGUY. Your weapons are FIREBALLS and CLAWS. You are waiting in a LARGE ROOM with 140,000 OTHER IMPS. For some reason, you cannot move until the DOOMGUY fires his gun.
Suddenly, in the LEFT CORRIDOR, you hear a noise.
What woudst thou dhou_

>Stop being the imp and forget that you ever had such a ridiculous notion, then get the PUMPKIN_

>Imp: Suddenly operate under "Sky May Be" Physics.
Read: Grow 300 feet tall and move at the speed of sound.

Ye stoppeth being the IMP because that was a stupid idea to beginneth with! Ye chooseth, inexplicably, to grow 300 feet tall and move at MACH 1, possibly sneaking a bite of AMBERGRIS.

...

Ye destroyeth thy BELOVED BAR, killing several CIVILIANS and tripping over a PUMPKIN that is most assurethly not there. Way to goo.

...

That waseth such an undeniably stupid idea.

Shoot self with PISTOL FROM UNDER STUMP?
Y/N

100 "a"="clip"
200 input "b"
300 if "b"="full," goto 500
400 drop gun
500 Y
600 end


IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I PROGRAMMED THIS LIKELY IS USELESS CODE.

It is, Pete.
Now, new game:


You are a DEMON, called from the depths of Hell to do battle with Earth's Mightiest Warrior. You bellow your challenge to the humans.
A SELF_RIGHTEOUS POLITICIAN steps forward, saying that he is Earth's Mightiest Warrior.
OBVIOUS EXITS ARE UNIMPORTANT. DEMONS DO NOT RUN AWAY FROM FIGHTS.
What woudst thou dhou?

>Run! (for public office)

For no particularily good reason, you do so. Since you're the most honest choice, you, the DEMON, become PRESIDENT.
What TYRANNICAL LAWS would you like to pass first_

>Make everyone giveth you all their money(ies)_

You make everyone give you their MONEY. You now have 5,555,555,855,555,736,676,678,424,386,329 MONIES. You can either allocate this funding to:
-SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT
-MAKING MORE MONEY
-MAKING MORE ENVIRONMENT
-SAVING THE MONEY
How woudst thou spend?

PS: Bonus points to the person who can write out, in words, how much money that would be
PPS: Double Bonus Points to the person who can say what relationship that number has to the world of Homestar Runner (it's very, very obscure.)

(senor mortgage, I find myself humming it all the time, I didn't even need to look it up)

>Build 1000 cubit tall statue of myself, complete with space shuttle equipped feet and a flamethrower mouth.

Okay, fine, that's what I would do too, but you need to pretend that you're doing something for the common good.
So what are you going to pretend you're doing with all that dough?

>Tell them that there is a/an/the ALIEN FLEET/PACK OF METEORS/GALACTUS on its/ they're/his way to conquer/ravage/eat the planet, and that we could all escape on the statue due to it's space capable feet.

Yeah, that'll woik.
You tell THE PEOPLE this. They seem to believe you, and make no complaints about the building of the 1000 CUBIT TALL STATUE OF YOURSELF, COMPLETE WITH SPACE SHUTTLE EQUIPPED FEET AND A FLAMETHROWER MOUTH.
As you watch the construction of the 1000 CUBIT TALL STATUE OF YOURSELF, COMPLETE WITH SPACE SHUTTLE EQUIPPED FEET AND A FLAMETHROWER MOUTH, your SECRETARY OF MEATS AND CHEESES comes up and says that there is a situation in the MIDDLE EAST that requires you to fly over there right away.
What woudst thou dhou_

>BLASTETH HIS FACE OFF WITH THE FLAMETHROWER AND ESCAPE LEAVING YOUR PEOPLE BEHIND TO ROT! BWAHAHAH_

TEXT-ONLY VERSION:
(Your game is taking forever to load. That's why you haven't gotten a reply in a month. Yeah...)
You try that. Unfortunately, the FLAMETHROWER MOUTH is only half built. It is also attached to a STATUE. You SPIT in his FACE instead. It's much more satisfying to do it that way, in any case.
SUPREME RULER: You are now a SILENT RAMBLER, traversing the world in search of...of...
What are you SEARCHING for, again?

Professor Mayonaka. And the Lost Ark.

Ah, yes. PROFESSOR MAYONAKA. You have heard that he is in the habit of giving MONEY to random people and you wish to get some from him. Then you plan to hire INDIANA JONES to BATTLE SOME ALIENS for you so that you can find the ARK OF THE COVENENT.
First things first, though. You are in some form of BARREN LANDSCAPE. A BARON sits nearby. Obvious exits are: LEFT, RIGHT, SIDEWISE, and TURN-WAYS.
What woudst thou dhou?

>talk BARON_