The SBEmail Game

The following is not part of an E-mail: I have noticed that our E-mails do not have names like Strong Bad's do. Hencetoforthwith, put your E-mail's title at the top of your page, underlined in bold. Remember that sbemail titles have no capital letters
a decemberween song
(Strong Bad's desktop is of the drive thru whale.)
Compe (in its usual, suave voice generally reserved for sighing:) Sever your leg, please, sir...
Strong Bad: Contrary to popular belief, this E-mail is NOT the greatest day.

Dear Mr. Bad,
This is your second-to-last warning. If you do not remit payment of Fourteen (14) Dollars and Fifty-Two (52) cents, you will be subjected to a Steal-Your-Compe-Style collection agency. Any effort to delete and/or block this e-mail or address will result in the immediate explosion and death of your Compe.
Your friend,
Bubs The Cheat Homestar Boss Tweed

(Read as: Dear Mirperiod Bad, This is your second-to-last warning. If you do not remit payment of fourteen fourteen dollars and fifty-two fifty-two cents, you will be subjected to a steal-your-compe-style collection I'm not surprised that that guyagency. Any effort to delete and slasher-block this e-mail or address will result in the immediate explosion and death of your compe. Your fried end, [the following word is read very fast:] notbubsnotthecheatnotthatfatguybosstweed.)
Strong Bad: Wow. Kind of a ridiculously long name, Eh NBNTCNTFGBT? Yeesh. Almost as bad as Fhqwgads.
(clears screen.) Anyways EnnBeeEtcetera, you got the wrong guy. I haven't seen Mirperiod Bad in YEARS. And I'm not surprised that he hasn't payed his and not mine at all 14145252 cents. That guy was always a cheapskate. Like, I remember this one time, near Decemberween, when this total spin-off of a dumb book happened all because of him!
(Cut to a scene outside, where everything is covered in snow. Strong Sad is apparently wearing Homestar's newsboy getup from that one Halloween toon. It is too small, and it barely covers any of Strong Sad's body.)
Strong Sad: cough, cough. (Strong Bad, with a gray beard and a blue boxing mask instead of his usual red, holding a pipe, walks by.) Would you care to buy a dead flower?
Mirperiod Bad: Of course not, Fatty Tom! Nobody likes you! Skee-diddle! (Kicks Strong Sad)
Fatty Tom: Ahhhh! (Lands in a snowdrift, when he looks up, there appear to be several blurry Mirperiod Bads before his eyes) Go-od bless you, e-eh-every one!
Mirperiod Bad: Yeah, that's right, you little punk! Mirperiod Bad's so big, he's actually several Mirperiod Bads contained inside one Mirperiod BAG!
(cuts to wherever the crap Homestar has his hremails, except that all of the colors are gray and there are cobwebs everywhere. Mirperiod Bad is sitting at Homestar's desk, where there is no coffee cup, and Homestar (in his newsboy getup, which is ripped and missing several buttons, presumably thanks to Strong Sad) is sitting in front of a telegraph machine where Arturo usually sits. The telegraph machine is evidently called "the telething 1876", since it says that on the front. The paper coming out reads, "Dear Mr. Bad, dot dash dash dash dot dot dot polka dot dot dot dashing through the snow dot net it's dot com.")
Mirperiod Bad: Bob Crappit, have you finished reading that telemail yet?
Bob Crappit: Right away, sir! Ahem. Dear Strong Bad. small circle long rectangle long rectangle, long rectange small circle small circle, long rectangle-
Mirperiod Bad: Wrong again, dang Crappit! That's it, you're fired!
Bob Crappit: Waa... (Bob Crappit walks out the door and slams it behind him.)
Mirperiod Bad: good riddance! Any-a-ways, time for my nap!
(Mirperiod Bad lies back, and the scene immediately gets darker. Nothing else happens.)
Mirperiod Bad: Well, glad that's over. I wonder if there's something to eat in the kitchen. (Mirperiod walks to the kitchen, where a brown fridge sits, reading, "This Fridge does not have a name, stupid, even if it is an outdated electronic. Give it up, Herr Wiki!")
Bob Crappit (covered in white): Ooooh! OOOOOOH! SCARY NOOOOISES!
Mirperiod Bad: Ahh! Bob Crappit! Have you come to tell me that if I do not repent I will become a wretched ghost like you and have to wear style-cramping chains and that three ghosts will come and-
Bob Crappit: No, I just wanted to know where the sink was. I accidentally got covered in flour. Somehow. Accidentally.
Mirperiod Bad: Oh. Ok, then. It's down the hall.
(back at the compe, with Strong Bad:) So you see Longy Name? That's why these days, we always dump buckets of flour on Homestar's head, and then we shove him in the sink. And that story totally is not from some time when I thought it was cool to wear a fake beard and a blue mask and carry a pipe. That is somebody else entirely! For sure! Not me!
So I don't have to pay you any money!
Any-a-ways, I'm gonna take a nap now.
(Strong Bad leans back, and the scene again doesn't change except for getting darker.)
Virtual Paper (covered in flour, so that the words are almost completely white and hard to read, in the compe's voice:) Scary nooooises! Sigh.

Hey, Luger Machete! No email? (tick, tick, tick)

Strong Bad,
We weren't kidding. If you do not make a payment of fifteen (15) dollars and thirty-four (34) cents and/or an oldest child to the Mafia, we will blow up your Compe. We have a mob with pitchforks and shotguns heading to your place right now.
Your bestest buddy in the whole wide world,
Bubs Boss Tweed

Simultaneously...

Dear Strong Bad,
Which one of you is the oldest?I forgot again. If Strong Sad is adopted, is he older than the rest of you? Is that why he's so depressed all the time?
Your buddy,
Homestar

Sorry, Vader. You posted some stuff, but there's no sense in beating the same E-mail to death (the one with "Boss Tweed") and Strong Bad has that Homestar junk mail filter. Therefore, THIS is the E-mail that should be checked next:

Greetings Lord High Master Bad,
What do you think of those stupid smilies dumb weirdos put in their messages? Like this: :pirat:
or this:
Or even THIS:
Sincerely Yours Truly Crapfully Yours Your Friend Love,
Onionface.

All right, all right.

smilies and spam

STRONG BAD: Strong-Bad-Underscore-Email-dot-click on icon.

Greetings Lord High Master Bad,
What do you think of those stupid smilies dumb weirdos put in their messages? Like this: :pirat:
or this:
Sincerely Yours Truly Crapfully Yours Your Friend Love,
Onionface.

{reads "Sincerely Yours Truly Crapfully Yours Your Friend Love, Onionface" as "Sincerely yours, something, bad joke, yadda, yadda, yadda, Onion-facey Hypocrite"}

Oh yeah, those things suck, man. It's not like a get five billion of THOSE every day. DELETED! Bwa ha ha!

{The Compe beeps with a new message alert. It's the same email}

What?!? You want me to answer this again? In more detail than that email deserved? Fine. So as you can see {pulls up Idiot Filter} several gross gross morons email me everyday. For example...

Hey
Can borrow 's fondue pot
Your friend,

That's the kinda thing that I get every frickin' second from Homestar. But he's easy to block. He doesn't even bother changing the subject in his spam, so everything has the subject, "Can borrow 's fondue pot?" For example:

Dear ,
How do type with boxing gloves on
Your buddy,

He doesn't ever create another e-mail account, so everything comes through djmankiewicz@homestarrunner.com. Strong Sad, on the other hand...

From: depressio13249@homestarrunner.com
,
You forgot to pick me up from the bus station...three months ago. I just managed to get to the library, where I got to type out this message to you.
Sincerely,

You might not think that's annoying, but what bugs me is that he keeps changing e-mail addresses and computers, so I can't keep blocking him. And I get fifty of those each day!

For example:

depressio11121@homestarrunner.com You forgot to pick me up
depressio89342@homestarrunner.com You need to pick me up
strong sad2323@homestarrunner.com You forgot to pick me up several weeks ago
sloshyfan39572@homestarrunner.com You forgot to pick me up two months ago

Now, on to fan mail. Now, there's this type of message:

HEY
i luvv u so much
luv,
hommstar gr8 lookn grrrrrrrl

These I have to have shot on sight. Well, I hope that answers your question, Garlicbreath.

{Virtual Paper comes up}.

Dear Strong Bad,
We has some gooder question.
1. Have sometime ever played basketball. Is you good at it?
2. How do you think you thinks to be eating as a baby?
3. Has you thought sometimes about selling on auction that is online? Will you thinks about it?
Your friend,
Viklas Jr.
Sweden

yah three sometime gooder question guys
Strong Bad: Have you ever noticed how E-mail is like Emil with out the "a" or the dash? Just asking...

Dear Strong Bad,
We has some gooder question.
1. Have sometime ever played basketball. Is you good at it?
2. How do you think you thinks to be eating as a baby?
3. Has you thought sometimes about selling on auction that is online? Will you thinks about it?
Your friend,
Viklas Jr.
Sweden

(Read exactly as it looks like. Strong Bad stumbles over the second question, and eventually just says, "whatever." and moves on. The name is read, "Viking Lass Jeremiah, from Sweatin'")
Strong Bad: This E-mail is starting to ask for a "Deleted". I guess I'll try to answer it, though. (clears screen)
Your first question apparently has something to do with basketball. Well, 'round here, we don't really play basketball. We did once play "kick the Pom Pom", but then he posted a trilogy of humorous online videos about how we had broken his stuff, and they became such a big hit that we had to make, like, a million public apologies on different websites.
Your second question has something to do with babies and eating. We do not eat babies.
(cuts to a scene of the King of Town, with a covered silver platter.)
King of Town: aww...
(back to computer room)
Strong Bad: your third question is seemingly asking me to sell something on an online auction. I already tried that, and guess what, it turns out slavery is illegal! Can you believe that! And he was ASKING for it!
Anyways, now I guess I have to translate this reply into something you can understand Viking Lass. Here goes!

Ya first question might has something with basketball. Well, here, not basketball. We once play "kick the Pom ", but then he trilogy of humor like, a million.
Ya second question done has do babies eating. Not eat babies.
(cuts to a scene of the King of Town, with a covered silver platter.)
King of Town: furgenfish...
(back to computer room)
Strong Bad: ya three question is seem me to sell something an online auction. I try that, and what slavery is illegal! Can understand! And was ASK for something!
(Virtual paper comes up, reading "ya guys, click someplace to E-mile String Bear!")
Easter Eggs:
Click on, "And was ASK" for a scene with Senor Cardgage:
Senor Cardgage: Now we're boiling MY lang age!

Click on "ya three" for a scene with taranchula:
Schenkel McDoo (in TV commercial): Ya, three, maybe find some coin!

Click on "illegal" to see part of Pom Pom's video:
(Pom Pom make bubbling noises to the tune of "United Breaks Guitars" while, in the background, The Cheat in a Strong Bad mask jumping up and down on a box marked "Pom Pom's awesome stuff.")

My E-mail:
Dear Incredible Bad,
I wish to make a popular blog, one that will be read by millions, or at least severals, of other people. Can you give some advice?
Sincerely,
Dr. Strangelove, The War Room
PS: Stop worrying and love the bomb.

blog

[Typing strongbad_email.exe]
STRONG BAD: Sometimes I believe email was made for me, and since yesterday, I's been believing it even more.
[Reads screen]
______________________

Dear Incredible Bad,
I wish to make a popular blog, one that will be read by millions, or at least severals, of other people. Can you give some advice?
Sincerely,
Dr. Strangelove, The War Room
PS: Stop worrying and love the bomb.

______________________
[Typing]
Oh, don't worry about me loving the bomb Dr. Strange, I's been loving it more than I's been loving saying "I's"
[Clears screen]
Anyways, your dumb blog. I's never had a blog, Steven, but Pom Pom has had more than a coevral, like his "Blog" blog, his "Pom" blog, that "Sing-Along" Blog. (click on Sing-Along to see a poster for " Dr. Pom Pom's Sing-Along-Blog".) Yeah, and news is Homestar's got a blog called "Blog," which I'm pretty sure is just him rambling about his blog.
[cut to Homestar on the Compintosh]
[Typing]
...And that's like a blog for a blog's blog! So wemember to go to my blog. Keep it bloggy evewyone. Plus...
[Cut to static, then Strong Bad at the computer]
[typing]
Even Homsar has a blog! but I'm not cutting to that. But if I have to give you one piece of good advice, it's this; DON'T MAKE A BLOG! because Email shows are about two half times better than a blog. But I have a feeling that not really answering your question is going to warrant a lot of protest emails from you...yadda yadda....HUTTAH!!
[Strong Bad pops offscreen, paper goes down]


My email:
Dear Song Bad,

If you had unilimeited money to spend on making or buying a guitar, what would the guitar be like?

Your Face,
Your Face

(to the Pearl and Dean music) Da da, da da, da da, da da, da da da, da da, da da, da da, da Deeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaar... Strong Bad

Mr.Diskette wrote:Dear Song Bad,

Which is spelt with a TR.

If you had unilimeiayted money to spend on making or buying a guitar, what would the guitar be like?

Your Face,
Your Face

Sorry, but you are clearly not my face. For one, my face is too awesome. So, um... I'm just gonna call you James from now on. Also, you're from New Jersey.

Well, James from New Jersey, if I had unlimayted money to spend on a guitar, it would definaytely be the most awesome gutiar you've ever seen.

(speaking over illustration) It would be in the shape of a big flame, and it would have fire comin' outta some exhaust fumes and a pointless-built-in-bum-note-improver-that'll-never-be-useful-cause-I'm-so-good-at-playing-the-guitar and a digital signature of any classic guitarist you feel like.

(still the illustration)Aww yeah. And it would make such a great sound, you won't be able to hear it over the screams of several thousand girls in the auience.(the stage SB is playing on collapses from fire damage)

So that's what my guitar will be like, Jimmy. It'll be the most awesome guitar ever AND all the girls from the audience who survived will get rich from selling their tickets to the concert that Strong Bad died on stage at in a couple years.

(done typing) Okay, so until next week, send me an unlimaytedly ridiculous amount of good emails please, I could use some of those.

*preeow*

Dear Strong Bad,
What do you think about motor racing? Have you ever tried it?

Past yours in one second,
A. Stevenson

Aww, crap. Bested again by my non-nemesis. My idea, as below.

guitars 2

STRONG BAD: Strong Bad Emails, rock rock on!

Dear Song Bad,

If you had unilimeited money to spend on making or buying a guitar, what would the guitar be like?

Your Face,
Your Face

{reads "unilimeited" as "un-il-im-ay-ited"}

Oh man, they forgot this {types Awesome Strong Bad after deleting "Song Bad"} and they totally forgot this {deletes "Your Face" and types "Your Face Is Awesome}

So, a guitar, eh, I'm Awesome? Well, first, it would have its own built-in amp, and so it would have like a whole ton of batteries. But it would be totally worth it to see the look on Gron Sad's face when he gets sonically assaulted right before getting physically assaulted.

{cut to Strong Sad's room, where Strong Bad has a guitar.}

STRONG BAD: TROGDOORRR! TROGDOORRR! {Strong Sad's room's walls begin collapsing, and Strong Sad faints}

{cut to the Computer Room}

STRONG BAD: And it would have awesome lazor guns. That way, I can sonically as well as physically assault people at the same time.

{cut to Club Technochocolate. Strong Bad has a guitar with a steel cylinder-style object glued to the neck}

STRONG BAD: HEART OF A LION, AND {lasers begin firing to the left and right as Strong Bad starts dancing around like an idiot} WINGS OF A BAT! {the electricity goes out, as in Young Einstein} The power of rock compels you! Guys?

{Marzipan's hair is burning, and somehow, the Cheat's head explodes.}

{cut to the Computer Room}

STRONG BAD: I tried building one o' dems once, but, uh, after I got halfway done with it, it was illegal. Apparently, the King of Town doesn't take one hundred and fifty megabels of "Trogdor" at two AM very well. I forgot to add the lazors BEFORE playing, so the PooperTroopers managed to take me down. So, I had to settle for buying one. And assuming this is my imagination...{a puffy white cloud border appears}

{cut to Bubs' Concession Stand}

STRONG BAD: Hey, Bubs. Whatcha got in the way of expensive and valuable guitars?

BUBS: Well, we got this pre-owned box of chicken beaks.

STRONG BAD: No thanks, Bubs. I was kinda looking for something less anthraxy.

BUBS: Well, let's see here...you could try this one. {pulls out a regular, flying vee guitar with a bucket and a bullhorn attached to it}

STRONG BAD: Well, Bubs, I was thinking more of the tropical lazor beam persuasion.

BUBS: How about this one? {pulls out a pineapple shaped guitar with lasers shooting out of it}

STRONG BAD: Bubs, licensed guitars are never good. That's just a cheap knockoff guitar made by those Gel-Arshie people.

BUBS: Crabbadonk. How about this one? {pulls out a guitar}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! A Flying Vee that's been signed by all of the members of Limozeen and Taranchula! I'll take it! I'll take twelve!

BUBS: Ok, just wait a minute while I go around back and totally not forge the signatures of Limozeen and Taranchula on to eleven guitars.

STRONG BAD: All right! And because this is my imagination, and not real life, can I have these for free?

BUBS: Crabbadonk!

{cut to the Computer Room}

STRONG BAD: Let's see if this thing can shred some hot lix. {Strong Sad walks in, carrying a guitar that looks just like Strong Bad's} What the crap?

STRONG SAD: Hey, Strong Bad, Bubs gave me this sloshy-signed guitar for free!

STRONG BAD: Wait, these eleven guitars and your sloshy guitar are signed with the exact same handwriting! This thing is worthless! {smashes one of the eleven (ahem) Limozeen guitars over Strong Sad's head. The Cheat walks in and sets Strong Sad's sloshy guitar on fire.}

So that, my dear Face, is why you should never buy a guitar from Bubs.

The e-mail:
Dear Strong Bad,
Did you ever make a musical? Why don't you make one, about anything, like your awesomeness, or your beating up of the Dragon named Strong Sad. Think about it.
Your pal,
Friedrich von Trapp

The REAL e-mail for someone else to answer:

Dear Strong Bad,
What do you think about motor racing? Have you ever tried it?

Past yours in one second,
A. Stevenson

motor racing

Strong Bad: I'm not gonna write you an E-mail 'cuz you need one, 'cuz you ask me...yeah, worst song ever.
(the compe's desktop is a photo of the 1936 characters: )

Dear Strong Bad,
What do you think about motor racing? Have you ever tried it?

Past yours in one second,
A. Stevenson

(after reading "past yours in one second", Strong Bad looks around. When he sees that nothing is happening, he shrugs and turns back to his computer. While he is looking away, The Cheat in a tire from Awexome Cross speeds past. Strong Bad fails to notice and reads the name as "Just another friggin' Stevenson.")
Strong Bad: Motor Racing, huh? Can't say I've ever heard of it. It could be fun, though. Let's try it out!
(cut to wherever the bumbling mascot race around the field took place)
The Announcer: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, for Free Country U of the S of the A's first ever Smoking Hot Motor Race to the End of the Race. All right, gentlemen, you know the rules. One...two...three...go!
(cuts to a scene of two race car engines, sitting lonely on the ground. The announcer is not visible, but he can be heard.)
The Announcer: And the Bubsomatic 5000 is going strong, followed closely behind by-yeah, neither engine is ever going to move. That's it, folks.
(cut back to the computer room)
Strong Bad: Boring! That's nowhere NEAR as cool as our last race car race car race car race car race car race!
I remember it like it was yesteryear!
(back to the field, where the engines have been replaced with Strong Bad and the Cheat in the Proud Anselmo [which has been scratched out and renamed the "Proud racecarselmo"] and Bubs in the Gremlin.)
The Announcer: Ladies and gentlmen, nothing has happened for ten minutes now!
Strong Bad: man, so cool!
(paper comes up.)

Dear Strong Bad,
When is Dangeresque 4 coming out?
Your semi-biggest semi-fan,
Semi-George

dangeresque 4
STRONG BAD: I'm checkin' an e-mail on the Compe, the Compe, the Comp-re-comp-the-comp Compe!

Dear Strong Bad,
When is Dangeresque 4 coming out?
Your semi-biggest semi-fan,
Semi-George

Well, you're semi (I mean really) crappy e-mail has intrigued me enough to semi-indulge in answering your question. I shall, therefore, skip every other word as I semi-answer this e-mail.

So, ______, I _____ like __ to ____ Dangeresque _, but ____ of ___ cast ____ to __ another ____.

Yeah, me neither.

So, Dangeresque 4, eh, Georgie? That would entail actually going over to Marzipan's, beg her to do it on bended knee, give her a hundred dollars, and clean up the toilet paper and eggs that I threw. Three days hours minutes ago.

Then I'd have to promise to rescue Renaldo in a scene that I would have to retcon, and probably kill him off in the fourth film.

Dangeresque Too...I'd have to blow a few bucks on some Fluffy Puff Marshmallows and some Melonade.

So it's abundantly clear that Dangeresque 4 is dead, and will never be resurrected. Instead, I give you: Dangeresque 0: The Film That Came Before Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque, Too?

{cut to a Parisian cafe, where Dangeresque and Sultry Buttons are having a candlelit dinner. Dangeresque pulls out a VCR and holds it up to his face like a phone}

DANGERESQUE: Yeah, ok. I'll be there soon.

SULTRY BUTTONS: What is it?

DANGERESQUE: The Chief wants me back at the office. I gotta save a schoolbus...um...full...of...um...school...children.

SULTRY: Will I ever see you again? Will we ever save the whales and dolphins together? How much am I getting paid to say-{static}

DANGERESQUE: Keep this {takes out the photograph of them standing in front of the "Eiffel Tower"} next to your heart. I'll be back, don't you worry. {snickers}

{cut to a title card for Dangeresque 0: The Film That Came Before Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque: Too? Strong Bad sings the title music.}

{the title card is pulled away to reveal Dangeresque standing in The Smoky Office on the phone.}

DANGERESQUE: All right, The Chief, I'll find that missing document. Don't you worry about it. {the door opens} Who the crap are you?

RENALDO: Well, I'm Renaldo, your new partner. The Chief said to keep an eye on you so you could find that docurment.

DANGERESQUE: I work alone! Except when I work by myself. Which is all the time! So, you got some information for me?

RENALDO: It was last seen with Perducci at the border. If he steals it, then he can kidnap Cutesy Buttons! {static} Take over the world!

DANGERESQUE: Perducci, eh? We gotta get that piece of paper from him before he can take over the world.

{cut to the Stone Bridge, which has The Cheat with a sign that says, "Teh Border"}

DANGERSQUE: Perducci's got to be near the border somewhere.

RENALDO: Why don't we ask this total unsuspicious-style totally non-villain passers-guy. {pan right to reveal Baron Darin Diamonocle}

DANGERESQUE: Whaddaya know about Perducci? Fess up, or prepare to meet my two best friends, Nun and Chuck! {waves nunchuck gun around menacingly}

DIAMONOCLE: Hey, Dangeresque. I hear he went over that way {points}. Anyway, I'll give you five bucks if you eat this bag of ranch-flavored chips-I mean, white-flavored pieces of cardboard.

DANGERSQUE: All right, monocle-man, but I'm warning you, you'd better not be wrong. {eats "chips", then pukes} Looks like my stomach's gotta jump!

RENALDO: What's wrong? You okay, Dangeresque?

DANGERESQUE: Diamonocle, my name is Dangeresque. You killed my digestive tract. Prepare to die.

PERDUCCI: {walks in with Killingyouguy} Aha! I see you have fallen for my cleverly laid trap! You'll never be able to get this! {waves around a piece of paper that says: THe DOCuMEnT-Important: Do not steal!} Now I'll take over the world and kidnap Cutesy Buttons!

DANGERESQUE: Wait, who is this "Cutesy Buttons" you speak of?

PERDUCCI: The one who professes to be able to save the world and all its rainforest inhabitants!

DANGERSQUE: Hey, um...LOOK BEHIND YOU! A MONSTER MADE OF PASTA!

PERDUCCI: Huh? What? {Dangersque steals the document} Hey! Killingyouguy! Finish him!

KILLINGYOUGUY: I'M THE MINION! {runs towards Dangeresque}

RENALDO: I'll take him! {beats up "Killingyouguy" (Strong Sad as stunt double)}

{Homestar walks by with Homsar, who has a bonnet on}

HOMESTAR: {poorly acting} See, Grandma? That's the shady cop that I want to be partners with some day and hopefully get my own pair of cool shades.

HOMSAR: DaAaAaAaAaAH! Don't sell the funk shares on a doggy peach, Sinbag!

DANGERESQUE: Forget it! I work alone! Except when I work with...Renaldo...I guess you're ok after all.

{End credits play with "Today is Alright 4 2Nite"}

Easter Eggs:
Click on "toilet paper and eggs" to see "Green Eggs and Toilet Paper" by "Nutty Prof. Sportsinterviews", and click on it again to see a page with Marzipan saying: "I don't like green eggs and toilet paper, Strong Bad-I-Am."

Click on the right-most lens of Dangeresque's shades at the end to see Strong Sad at the Review Revue:
STRONG SAD: The film, Dangeresque 0: The Film That Came Before Dangeresque One: Dangeresque, Too? has an overly long title and a simple plot, with more simplistic dialogue, and has the crushing blow of having the absence of viewer-favorite "Strong Sad" as the "Informer". Dangersque 0 misses the mark!

Dear Strong Bad,
Did you ever make a musical? Why don't you make one, about anything, like your awesomeness, or your beating up of the Dragon named Strong Sad. Think about it.
Your pal,
Friedrich von Trapp

[u]musical[b][u]

[b]STRONG BAD: {singing} What's goin' down in sbemail town? What's goin' down in sbemail town?

Dear Strong Bad,
Did you ever make a musical? Why don't you make one, about anything, like your awesomeness, or your beating up of the Dragon named Strong Sad. Think about it.
Your pal,
Friedrich von Trapp

{reads "Strong Sad" as Dumpface, and "Friedrich von Trapp" as Fried Witch, von trap.}

STRONG BAD: Of course I made a musical! In fact, it's based upon my personal favorite sbemail..... the basics! Take a looksee.

{cut to the stage. Strong Bad is sitting on stage in front of his computer desk. On top of the desk is the Corpy NT6. Green lines similar to those of the Tandy have been painted across it's screen.}

STRONG BAD: {singing to the tune of the Homestar Runner intro} Everybody...check your email... {types sbemail.exe and pulls up the following e-mail}

Dear strong bad,

how do you do it . teach me some of your trick's.

With crap,
T.J.

STRONG BAD: {singing} Ooooohhh...
Dear, Strong Bad
Hooow-ow do you do it?
Teach me all your tricks,
from some stupid prick!

Well-ell-ell T.J., my tricks are as follows,
but they may be hard to swallow! Swallow! Swallow! Swallow!

"Hey, are listening"
says some stupid friend.
Of course you aren't,
but if you're smart,
you'll say, "Yes I am!

Then if they're annoying,
have them look away,
pour some coke all over that bloke!
You'll be laughing all day!

{cut to a wide shot of the stage. Ropes lower Cardboard Marzipan down to the stage}

STRONG BAD: {stands up} Oooh, hello Marzipan.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Hey Strong Bad, let's make out.

{music plays, a spotlight goes over to Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Alllllllll riiiiiiiiiighttttt!

{curtains close}

KING OF TOWN: {offscreen} Boooooo!

{cut back to the Compé}

STRONG BAD: So as you can see, I stayed pretty true to the original. Come to think of it, did I charge any of you guys for watching that? 'Cause I should have. That was a top dollar performance right there!

{The Compé-per appears}

Easter Eggs:
Click on Friedrich von Trapp after Strong Bad reads the name to see a Beverly Sportsinterviews book titled "Fried Witch, von trap."

Click on top dollar performance at the end to see an extra scene at the stage.
{Strong Bad and Cardboard Marzipan are standing facing the audience. Strong Bad bows. After a moment, Cardboard Marzipan falls over.}

Dear SB Awesome,
Coach Z has a serious drinking problem. I think you and the other Free Country, USA residents need to give him an intervention.
Cleanfully,
Wheelie.

Intervention

Strong Bad: {to the trogdor variation in Peasents Quest} Duh duh duh duh daaaaa. Email Email. Duh duh duh duh duh. email email.

{brings up the email}

Dear SB Awesome,
Coach Z has a serious drinking problem. I think you and the other Free Country, USA residents need to give him an intervention.
Cleanfully,
Wheelie.

Strong Bad: {typing} Well Mr. Wheel. I'm not really sure what you mean about his drinking pormblem. I mean... I haven't ever seen him touch a cold one. {clears screen}

{zoom out to show the computer and half of the "No Loafing" sign. Strong Bad turns to his left.}

Strong Bad: Hey Strong Sad! Whats this with someone saying that Coach Z has a drinking porblem!?

Strong Sad: {off screen} Wait, you didn't know! {walks in from the right. He has a burlap sack and some rope. Strong Bad is still looking to the left}

Strong Bad: Well no, I didn't!

Strong Sad: Strong Bad...

Strong Bad: {abruptly} WAH! {turn to left} What was the meaning of that, eleph-ants jerald? And why do you have that burlap sack?

Strong Sad: I've started gathering our materials! We strike at midnite! {walks away}

{the screen slowly starts to fade out}

Strong Bad: {quietly} I don't even know how that happened

{The screen has completly faded out by now. Fade back into the outside of the locker room. It is dark out. Strong Bad, the cheat, Strong Sad, and Homestar walk in from the left. SB and TC have on their Ghostbusters shirts, Strong Sad has on a black "Corporate Geddup noise sucks" shirt, and homestar has on his normal shirt.}

Strong Bad: {quietly} All right, let us begin! Homestar, you're up first!

Homestar: Comin' up!

{cut to inside the locker room. Coach Z is asleep on a bench. A listerine bottle is sitting next to him on the floor. Homestar walks in}

Homestar: {yeling} HEY COACH! i'M READY TO START TRAINING FOR THE NEXT RACE TO THE END OF THE RACE!

Coach Z: {abruptly, waking up} Oh jeez! Homestar, talk to me in the morning!

{cut back to outside. SB and SS are listening to the stuff thats happening}

Strong Bad: Okay, wierdie, you're up.

Strong Sad: Do I really have to do it?

Strong Bad: Yes, we'd never get Marzipan to do it, and your the closest thing we have to a girl!

Strong Sad: Oh, that is true.. {in Marzipan's voice} Coach Z, Marzipan is outside wanting to talk to you!

Coach Z: {walking out} Okay!

{strong Sad and Strong Bad shove his head ito the burlap sack and tie it shut.}

Strong Bad: All right the cheat, let 'er rip!

The Cheat: [meh]

{show the locker room door. The Cheat runs in and runs out with a bag of listerine.}

Strong Bad: All right! We got it!

{cut back to the computer room}

Strong Bad: {typing} Well wheelie, We did exactly what you said. We took away Coach Z's listerine! You know, it's been gone for two weesk and he doesn't seem to notice. Oh well, see you next week!

{Com-péper comes up}


You got easter egg ideas? PM me!


My sbemail:

Dearest Strong Bad,
Why does Bubs sell all that shady crap?
yours
Jhonston

dangerous crap

STRONG BAD: Will everyone please rise for the presentation of our national email...{the Compe has a Dangeresque Roomisode wallpaper}

Dearest Strong Bad,
Why does Bubs sell all that shady crap?
yours
Jhonston

Well, Jhonston, I likes the cut of your jib. And the cut of your name. Jhonston. It's like some Dangeresque game and Peasant's Quest thing, all rolled up in one! Jhonston III: The Quest for the Brainblow City Emerald Chalice!

I don't know, Jhon-stan. Why don't we go ask him?

{cut to the Concession Stand}

BUBS: Hey, Strong Bad! What can I do for you this fine afternoon?

STRONG BAD: Hey, Bubs. So, some viewer emailed in and wanted to know why you sell dangerous crap. I normally wouldn't ask you this, but he had a real cool name.

BUBS: Why don't you come on over to my showroom?

{cut to the Movie Theater}

{a movie is showing}

ANNOUNCER: Bubs' Concession Stand presents a Bubs' Concession Stand production: a Bubs' Concession Stand Indoctrination Film: Bubs' Concession Stand Employee Film Numbro 7: Why Do We Make Dangerous Crap? (music starts playing) You see this gentleman over here?

{screen shows Strong Bad's Computer Room}

STRONG BAD:

Dearest Strong Bad,
Why does Bubs sell all that shady crap?
yours
Jhonston

{scene pauses}

ANNOUNCER: Now, what is wrong with this picture? Answer? This fellow is NOT making money for the Bubs' Concession Stand Corporation! So, with some subliminal advertising {screen shows the starfish sign from Battle of the Bands}

STRONG BAD: Eat at Bubs. Do I have to?

{screen shows Bubs' spam}

ANNOUNCER: Some more subliminal advertising, and some heh heh, unpleasant business tactics. (Hot time! said Bubs) So how do we accomplish these goals? We aim this ray at everyone in town (a ray-type thing is pointed at FCUSA. The camera zooms in to reveal that it is a cardboard box covered with duct tape with paper towel rolls attached to it) and people will come in by the dozen. (Stand in Line: $5)

Which begs the question: Why do we make dangerous crap? More on that later.

{static}

{cut to the Computer Room}

STRONG BAD: Ugggh. I think I need to take a shower. {clears screen}

So, Johnson, to answer your question, Bubs runs a black market because he's the only guy in town. With a Hammerspace factory.

Click on Jhonston III to see the box art for the game.

This email probably needed some work, but this topic was...undernourished.

Dear Strong Bad,
Does CGNU have a school spirit week? Our school does, but it has lame things like "neon day" and "polyester day" and "Disney day." I bet CGNU has awesome spirit day stuff.
Your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate,
Strong Vader

school spirit

Strong Bad: What happens when you take a bunch of crap, and put it in slo-mo? What happens? Time sbemail!

Dear Strong Bad,
Does CGNU have a school spirit week? Our school does, but it has lame things like "neon day" and "polyester day" and "Disney day." I bet CGNU has awesome spirit day stuff.
Your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate,
Strong Vader

(Reads "Dear Strong Bad" as "The Same As Always," and "Your father's brother's etc." as "The Doctor Was His Mother!")

Strong Bad: Well, Doctor Vader, what kind of cracked-up school are you going to? POLYESTER day? Seriously?
No, CGNU CERTAINLY doesn't have nonna that crap going on. Unfortunately, we are required by the Un-cool District to have all student council members pick one type of day. So...you can't blame me when it sucks.
(cuts to the hallways of CGNU, where people (Homestar, Homsar, Strong Sad, and Pom Pom) are walking along.)

Strong Bad (not seen, but heard): Bubs' spirit day is "Anything you bought from Bub's Conveniently Located Concession Stand day."
(the scene changes so that Homestar is wearing the Bubs' apron from costume commercial, as is Strong Sad and Pom Pom. Homsar is now wearing several chick'n beaks glued to his body.)
Homestar: Nice apron, Homsar!
Homsar: Onsoooooon.
Strong Bad: Marzipan came up with the so-nasty "wheat grass skirt day."
(the scene changes so that all the students except Homsar are wearing grass skirts. Homsar is simply floating over a field of grass, which follows him wherever he goes.)
Homestar: Hey, Pom Pom, I like your Blue Avenger costume!
Strong Bad: Next up is Coach Z's ...jibblie... shirtless spirit day.
(Now, Homestar is all blurred like he is whenever he's naked, Pom Pom is also blurred, but his is yellow, Strong Sad looks no different that usual, and Homsar's hat has become a shark fin.)
Homestar: A-we got spirit!
Strong Bad: Thursday is Strong Mad's "STUFF...F" spirit day.
(Everyone is dressed as normal, except Homsar, who is wearing a grass skirt.)
Homestar: The most creative day since Polyester Day!
Strong Bad: Finally, on Friday, they let me choose. So Friday is all-around, one-hundred-percent DRESS UP YOUR FAVORITE VIDEO GAME CHARACTER DAY!
(Strong Sad is dressed up like a math equation, Pom Pom is some cool game with guns--he looks like a Marine, Homsar is that big fat chicken from Stinkoman 20X6, and Homestar is Rather Dashing.)
Homestar: Hey, Strong Sad, I like your-
Strong Bad: Shut up! Just...just shut up. For real! (Back at the compe), well Dr. Polyester, I guess that answers your question. Strong Sad likes rabbit algebra.

Diggeridoo, String Beard!
What is your favorite video game?
From,
Grabbidydonkleson.

Not the best E-mail, but I has not time!

favorite video game

Strong Bad: Is this thing on? I'm tryin' to check all my emails!

{clicks on sbemail icon}

Diggeridoo, String Beard!
What is your favorite video game?
From,
Grabbidydonkleson.

Strong Bad: Uh, It's as if I haven't told you a million time! {drum roll} I'd be a second-second assistant space whale scrubber! {groans}

Strong Sad: {walking in} Uh, Strong Bad... have you been driking those listerine bottles that we stole from Coach Z?

: What? No! Shut Up!

: Well, you aren't doing this email right!

: I'll show you! {typing} And yes, Kyle... Coach Z is the creepiest of all the characters! Zee u nez dime!

Compe-per comes up

:No, no, no! I'll do it!

compe-per goes back down.

: Ok, I luuuuuvv watchin' train wrecks!

{sits down} Well, good sir Grabbidydonkleson, my favourite video game is Rabbit Algebra! I do hope that answers your question!

Your's
Strong Sad

compe-per comes up.



Okay, okay okay, It coulda been beter... but this topic need to be revised, man! It's the reason we moved here!

My sbemail

Dearest Strong Bad:
What do you think would happen is Homsar attempted to exctract his revenge on you from the time you dropped a "Heavy Lourde" on him?
signed,
Lord Elsington Hallstingdingdingworth

homsar's revenge?

STRONG BAD: {singing} Get out! Get in! Get into the car and Eeeeeeemail!

Dearest Strong Bad:
What do you think would happen is Homsar attempted to exctract his revenge on you from the time you dropped a "Heavy Lourde" on him?
signed,
Lord Elsington Hallstingdingdingworth

{reads "exctract" as "excatract" and "Lord Elsington Hallstingdingdingworth" as "Load Elsington Hallstiblahblahblah"}

: Sorry, Elsa, but Homsar is humanly incapable of exctracting {again pronounces it as "excatracting"} any sort of revenge on any sort of person. I mean look at the guy. {types run coffee_boy.exe and a pixelated homsar appears on the screen} He's like, 4 feet tall and totally wimpAHHH!

{the screen suddenly flips upside-down as Strong Bad screams}

: AHHH! Somebody get me down! What's going on?

: {offscreen, echoing slightly} AaAaAaAh got my channel on fast-foward!

: {frantically} AHH! Homsar? Is that you? Get me down! Get me down!

: {offscreen, still echoing} Don't look now! It's rewind time!

: {frantically} Seriously! Get me down! {Homsar's bowler hat suddenly appears on Strong Bad} What do you think you're doing? {grabs the bowler hat and tosses it offscreen. Anther bowler hat appears on him}

: {still echoing} Don't resist the puddin' patrol!

: Alright alright! I'm sorry for trying to kill you! NOW KNOCK IT OFF!

: No thanks, chipwich pal!

: AHHHH! This is {suddenly speaking in a voice similar to Homsar's} getting on the fire hour! {speaking normally} Did I just say that!?

: I'd venture a guess!

: AHHHHHHHH!

{cut to the Basement. Strong Bad is on laying on the couch and jumps into the air, screaming, and lands on the floor}

: Huh? Where am I? W-was I dreaming? {The Cheat walks up} Oh, The Cheat! I just had the worst nightmare ever. I got this email about Homsar, and the next thing I know it's like virus part two around here!

: {exclamatory The Cheat noises. Gestures behind him}

{pan to the left. Homsar is standing at the doorway}

: AHHHHHHHH!
: {simultaneously} MEHHHHHH!
: {simultaneously} AaAaAaAaAaAaAah!

{cut back to the Compé, which has the pixelated Homsar from earlier on it. The Compé-per comes up}

EASTER EGGS: Click on the Pixelated Homsar's hat to see a scene with Strong Sad.
{Strong Sad is sitting in his room reading a magazine titled Book Nerd Monthly. Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Homsar's yelling can be heard in the background}

: Gosh, I can never get any reading down in this house, can I?

Haldo Valued Costumer!
I've emailed you to inform you that you haven't made your monthly payment yet for this month. That Where's An Egg 2 desktop isn't free you know!
Kk bye!
Videlectrix

videlectrix payment

And then SBEmail smote the HREmails,and all was laid to burnination.

Haldo Valued Costumer!
I've emailed you to inform you that you haven't made your monthly payment yet for this month. That Where's An Egg 2 desktop isn't free you know!
Kk bye!
Videlectrix

(Says "KK" as "Khhk")
Oh I definitly know what to do with this one!
[Strong bad changes "Where's An Egg 2" to "Melonade" and Videlectrix to "The Nation Orginization of Melonade" adds "Please ship your payment of 908$ to Strong Bad's house" to the end and changes the recipient to " DJmankiewicz@homestarrunner.com" and sends]
Fade out to black and the text "1 minute later" show up. after 5 seconds it fades out and you fade back to The House Of Strong's front porch. After a few seconds The Poopsmith wearing the same costume he did in Compy Catalog walks in front the right holding a cardboard box. He sets it down and turns to the left and walks away. The door opens until it hits the cardboard box,a bit of Strong bad's face can be seen through the door crack. He pushes the door three more times before the Box falls over and the door swings open. He kneels down to open the box]
Alright let's see what we got here......
[He opens the box and reaches inside,after a few moments he moves his hand out of the box holding a few pieces of Monopoly Money]
Aww holy crap! I should have thought he wouldn't have any money besides the one that Strong Sad payed him for his [voice shakes] no budget idependent film
[strong sad leans out of the open door]
I told you! It was a faux-budge-
[Strong Bad grabs the cardboard box and tosses it at Strong Sad who falls over. Strong bad pauses for a second and then looks down at the cardboard box and Strong Sad]
Well,something good came out of this at least.
[The Comp'e-per slowly comes out of the cardboard box and Strong Bad leans back quickly]
Where the crap did that thing come from?!

Dear Streer Bear
What do you think would happen if you and Homestar switched bodies?
From Cloverstardrop.

switching bodies

(The desktop is a picture of Brainkreig.)
Strong Bad: E-mail Mercenary and the Tub of Happiness, now only ten bucks at your local nerd store! (If anyone gets that joke, pm me!)

Dear Streer Bear
What do you think would happen if you and Homestar switched bodies?
From Cloverstardrop.

(Reads "Dear Streer Bear" as: Dear Streh-er Bear?! What the crap? It's like you're not even trying any more! and "From Cloverstardrop" as: From crappy sack dripping. Ew. So you're gross AND an idiot!)
Strong Bad: Well, Grossidiot, if Homestar and I switched bodies, you can bet I'd be using that thing to the best of my abilities.
(Cuts to the field, where Marzipan and Coach Z are talking. "Homestar" walks up and starts talking in Strong Bad's imitation of Homestar.)
"Homestar": Oh, hi, Mawzipan! I just wanted you to know that I secwetwy hate you, and that you'we the ugwiest bwoom I've evew seen!
Marzipan: (gasps) Oh, that is it, Homestar Michael Runner! We are through now and forever!
"Homestar:" Boo-hoo. Hey, by the way, Coach! I wanted you to know that I nevew actuawwy wun that wace, and that it was just Stwong Bad in a costume of me!
Coach Z: Hork! Really? I don't beleeioorrve it!
(Strong Bad's voice, unseen): Unfortunately, while I would be ruining Homestar's life, he would be accidentally ruining mine!
(cuts to the computer room).
"Strong Bad:" (in Homestar's normal voice): Hey, The Cheat! I think I've gained weight! And arms! (Slightly seductively) And I think I'm way more attractive to the ladies...

(back at computer room, where the real Strong Bad is checking his real E-mail.)
Strong Bad: A jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie jibblie (The compe-per comes down, and Strong Bad continues to have the jibblies, no matter how long you wait.)

So, you want MY E-mail?

Dear Strongest of All The Bads:
My little brother wants to see some dumb holiday movie while it's still in theaters, but I think it's just going to be stupid. How do you think I should persuade him that, as the older brother, I am always right and he is just here to be slave labor?
Thanking you in advance,
Commander I. Coleman

There's an email on the end of the rainbow I can't reach because rainbows don't actually have eeeeends.

Dear Strongest of All The Bads (It's a start):
My little brother wants to see some dumb holiday movie while it's still in theaters, but I think it's just going to be stupid. How do you think I should persuade him that, as the older brother, I am always right and he is just here to be slave labor?
Thanking you in advance,
Commander I. Coleman

WELL SIR COMMANDER COLEMAN SIR, I'd probably kick him in the teeh, kick him in the groin and order him to fetch you a pizza and a cold one, then just sit back and enjooooy not having to get off the couch.

Cut to SB sitting in the basement in front of the teebee, you can faintly hear:
Someone: OH NO! WHY TUCKSWORTH? WHY??

*preeow*

Dear Strogbad
Is there a Stinkoman The Abridged Series? How terrible is it?

Girraffeman

two seconds to save the world

I've got an E-mail in my pocket, and I think it's starting to...solidify.

Dear Strogbad
Is there a Stinkoman The Abridged Series? How terrible is it?

Girraffeman

(Read as: "Dear Stroganoff Bad,
Is there a Stine-co man, oh wait, STINKOMAN the Abridged series? How terrible is it?
Absolutely no closing farewells at all, Jire A. Effman.")

Well, Sir Effman, this question obviously took you two seconds to think up. In revenge, you get a two second answer. Screen, start the countdown. (A stopwatch appears on the screen, counting two seconds as SB talks). No. Nooo-
(The virtual paper comes up as the watch disappears.)

Hmmph. That E-mail was boring. Let's see if we can edit that and make it any cooler.
{A title card appears [the virtual paper is still up] that says: "STINKOMAN: THE ABRIDGED SERIES (Episode 1: Two Seconds to Save The World)}
(cuts to a scene of Stinkoman sitting at a computer called "the (0/\/\|^+", on a bridge with an inscription that reads, "Abridged, y'all.")

I have an E-mail in My Pocket And I THINK IT'S ASKING ME FOR A CHALLEEEEEEENGE!

(The "(0/\/\|^+" says, in Strong Bad's voice:)
Dear Stroganoff Bad,
Is there a Stine-co man, oh wait, STINKOMAN the Abridged series? How terrible is it?
Absolutely no closing farewells at all, Jire A. Effman."

this coded message Tells Me That I HAVE TWO SECONDS TO COMPLETE A CHALLEEEEEEEEEENGE!
(The stopwatch appears again (and, yes, throughout this whole scene, the virtual paper is still there.)

(punches computer.)

The (0/\/\|^+ (in Strong Bad's voice:) No. Nooo-
(Credits appear:)
"Story - Strong Bad
Editing - The Cheat
Dumbguy - Sir Effman"
(The credits appear again, in Japanese. The paper doesn't come up, IT'S STILL THERE.)

My turn!

Dear Sir Baddius (Strong),
This E-mail should not be long.
Peasants should be surely burned
If Trogdor's taxes not be earned.
On this one point we do agree,
But there is something both'ring me:
Where did the Cheat's gold tooth come from?
Answer me, or else, you're dumb!
-The Poetic Uzi.

gold tooth

STRONG BAD: Chop off my head, stuff me with bread, go and check your email!

Dear Sir Baddius (Strong),
This E-mail should not be long.
Peasants should be surely burned
If Trogdor's taxes not be earned.
On this one point we do agree,
But there is something both'ring me:
Where did the Cheat's gold tooth come from?
Answer me, or else, you're dumb!
-The Poetic Uzi.

{reads halfway through}

Ugh, why can't peoples send me any good emails these days? {convertfromstupidpoetry.exe}

{Email now reads:}

Dear Awesome Great Emperor Strong Bad, Who I Am Not Worthy To Look At Or Be Friends With,
Where does the Cheat's golden tooth come from? I think Trogdor is awesome.
From,
Uzi {read as AK Man}

Well, my dear William ShakesWEIRD, I thought I told you this a long time ago. I'm not going to tell you how The Cheat got his gold tooth. But I will tell you about how I tried selling the Cheat's gold tooth on an online auction.

{static}

{Strong Bad walks up to the Cheat in his computer room. The Cheat whacks Strong Bad with a baseball bat}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, um, yeah heh, heh, that never happened. Let's um, quietly slip past and um, fast forward past this part.

{Screen fastforwards. Strong Bad is knocked out, put into a box, put outside, the Poopsmith picks up the box, then scene cuts to Bubs's Stand}

BUBS: {opens box} Oh hey, Strong Bad. Did Strong Sad start up his Poetry Slam again? I got some shotguns at a real low rate if you want 'em. {disclaimer voice} Must pay shipping and handling. Customer agrees to sell soul to store owner, Bubs C. Stand.

STRONG BAD: Nah, I'll pass for now, Bubs. {walks back to the House of the Brothers Strong}

{walks into computer room}

So, Dan, I believe your question was about how Strong Sad came to be an indentured servant. It was one fine winter morning.

{Strong Sad walks up to the Cheat in his computer room. The Cheat whacks him with a baseball bat, puts him in a box outside, the Poopsmith picks it up, then scene cuts to Bubs's Stand}

{A shadowy figure falls over the box. The box gradually opens. Ominous music plays.}

COACH Z: Oh hey there. Are you my sworty sweat sweats?

STRONG BAD: Um, yeah. But you owe us fifty bucks. And a half-dead goat. And a gold tooth for the Cheat.

{back in the Computer Room}

So, there you go. The Cheat has a gold tooth because Strong Sad was an indentured servant. And we get free slushies every week!

{Virtual Paper comes up}

Dear Strong Bad,
What would you do if you had to wear glasses? What would happen if you had to wear glasses during a King of Town megaphysical? What is a King of Town megaphysical like, anyhow?
Spelling better than you,
The Ting of Kown.

glasses

(to the tune of "a whole new world:") A whole new Eeeee-mail, a wondrous E-mail I never...yeah this sucks.
(the desktop is a Limozeen poster. )

Dear Strong Bad,
What would you do if you had to wear glasses? What would happen if you had to wear glasses during a King of Town megaphysical? What is a King of Town megaphysical like, anyhow?
Spelling better than you,
The Ting of Kown.

Wow. This E-mail has several major flaws, T-TOK. Fortunately, the compe is equipped with Edgar's Nicest Girlfriend, the latest in coolness technology. Edga-girl, show them how it's done!
(the compe's screen shows a pixellated girl. Next to her, it says: "Coolness level: " The picture next to "coolness level" changes to , then , , , , , , then finally, )

Senor Cardgage! Wow! Let's take a looksy.

Dear The Leg,
What would you, the coolest guy ever, do if you had to wear glasses, which would not reduce your coolness in any way, as your coolness is impossible to diminish. I am unworthy to ask any other questions of you.
Spelling nowhere near as good as your incredible awesomeness,
T-TOK

Wow. I'm not sure that I can answer an E-mail of that coolness. Oh, wait. Of course I can!
Well, Thomas Tofferson Ocular Kristomar, the only time I ever had to wear glasses was for the Dangeresque movies. So, I went and stole Crack Stuntman's. I remember it like it was yesterday.

(cuts to the field. Crack Stuntman is wearing the Dangeresque glasses and standing on a box of peas.)

I believe in Pistols for Pandas. I BELIEVE in Pistols for Pandas. I belive IN Pistols for Pandas. I believe in Pistols FOR Pandas.
(Strong Bad walks by and snatches his glasses. Underneath, Crack Stuntman is wearing another pair of sunglasses, which are green.)
Ow! My eyes! They burn!

(virtual paper comes up.)

What's your email, Uzi?
...

Did I forget to make one again? Bother!

Dear Coach Z,
Is your purple hat-ma-jig part of your head? Or is it, like, a completely separate entity, bent on total World Domination!? Or is it simply stylish?
Yours Noddingly,
Arther S. Standings