This is a perfectly funny [CHAT] and it contains many incredibly funny [CHAT]s!

The Wheelchair wrote:Because you have serious mental problems and think you're a website.
I'd recommend getting medical assistance.

That is EXACTLY what I was going to say. You took the words right out of my keyboard.
(Misused idioms are fun! Just add Internet!)

Uzi-Bazooka wrote:

The Wheelchair wrote:Because you have serious mental problems and think you're a website.
I'd recommend getting medical assistance.

That is EXACTLY what I was going to say. You took the words right out of my keyboard.
(Misused idioms are fun! Just add Internet!)

This can only mean one thing.
Uzi is my evil clone. Think about it, it makes total sense.

This means only one thing.
Wheelie is my evil clone. Think about it, it makes total sense.

Uzi-Bazooka wrote:This means only one thing.
Wheelie is my evil clone. Think about it, it makes total sense.

I can't be your evil clone. I'm freakin' older than you! How the crap would that work?

You lied about your age, maybe? Like everyone else on the Internet?

Uzi-Bazooka wrote:You lied about your age, maybe? Like everyone else on the Internet?

No, this is actually my real age. And besides, in this day and age, you're online age is your real age! It's true! I saw it on the news!

The Wheelchair wrote:

Uzi-Bazooka wrote:You lied about your age, maybe? Like everyone else on the Internet?

No, this is actually my real age. And besides, in this day and age, you're online age is your real age! It's true! I saw it on the news!

Sounds crazy, but you thought it was worth a shot!

Falcon Paunch wrote:

The Wheelchair wrote:

Uzi-Bazooka wrote:You lied about your age, maybe? Like everyone else on the Internet?

No, this is actually my real age. And besides, in this day and age, you're online age is your real age! It's true! I saw it on the news!

Sounds crazy, but you thought it was worth a shot!

Yeah, a shot in the face, maybe.

...
...
...
I can make Mario fight Sonic!

"Here's a big hint I can give you: Don't use stupid pickup lines"
"Like, don't say something like 'If you were a Twitter, I'd follow you'?"

High on Halloween candy (among other things) no more, it's...
Wheelie's Random Topic of the Whenever!

Election Day was a few days ago, and I'm happy that it's over. To be honest, I was getting sick of the constant campaign ads. They're humorous at first, but once you know that every single candidate in the running was a foreign trade lobbyist, there's nothing more to get out of them. What's the point in watching the commercials if they all say the same thing about everyone? The only difference is the catchy slogans they use to insult each other.

Which is why I propose this remake of our election system: rather than vote for politicians based on their (few) merits, let's vote for 'em based on how catchy their slogans are.

When you think about it, it wouldn't be much different than our current system. I mean, how many of you actually listen to the full commercials? Heck, I bet half the country is already voting this way. And by doing this, we can cut commercials down to just the slogans, saving time for commercials people will actually care to watch, like Oxy-Clean, for instance.

Using this method, we could also simplify the actual voting, too. Rather than remember Ivan Ackamedatheemetamen's name, we can just vote for "Clean up or get out" guy.

Personally, I'd vote for the guy who ended every one of his commercials with "Nancy Bossiaeeae: Oh No!" It's simple, effective, and easy to understand for the younger voters out there.

But we can't start this change unless we enforce it ourselves.

So when SV's term as High Priest Honcho is over, you guys better get your best slogans ready. It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I ain't leaving any leftovers.

Uzi-Bazooka: Oh No!

And I've noticed thatg, as it gets clossert to the election, they get more and more deperate.

Lets look at Mark Costello, who was running for labor commishiner, and compare two of his radio adds.

Normal:
"Vote for Mark Costello"
"THAT'S RIGHT!!!"
"He's the right fellow"
"FOR LABOR COMISH!!!!!!"
Vote for Mark Costello"
"THAT'S RIGHT!!!"
"Paid for by Mark Costello"
"FOR LABOR COMISH!!!!!!!"

Two weeks before the election:
"Hello, my name is {Paul Blart}. I'm a professional bull rider, and I also sing and wright country music. Our current labor comisioner {I don't know his name} tried to steal my gee-tar. He was wrestled to the ground by two guys, and hauled off to the Bricktown drunk tank. That's why I'm voting for Mark Costello, because as Labor comish, he promises to steal no guitars."
"Vote for Mark Costello"
"THAT'S RIGHT!!!"
"He's the right fellow"
"FOR LABOR COMISH!!!!!!"
Vote for Mark Costello"
"THAT'S RIGHT!!!"
"Paid for by Mark Costello"
"FOR LABOR COMISH!!!!!!!"

We kept getting these pamphlets in the mail, with like, a little girl crying "Mommy! Kevin Yoder stole my lunch money!" Or a teacher writing on a chalkboard: "HOMEWORK: Bring five hundred dollars apiece for Kevin Yoder." It got ridiculous!
In fact, we started joking about it at school, and he's kind of the anti-Chuck Norris. Jokes like, "Does Kevin Yoder gather souls for the Devil? No. The Devil gathers souls for Kevin Yoder." Or, "Whenever Kevin Yoder eats steak, he tops it off with Special Interest Funded Coleslaw!!"

Of course, none of these are ridiculous as some of the original pamphlets. For example (these are ALL REAL PAMPHLETS):

Kevin Yoder hasn't helped any old ladies across the street lately...
Kevin Yoder is going to come into your yard and kick your dog...
Kevin Yoder regularly runs red lights...
Kevin Yoder doesn't always say thank you...

And 's like: seriously? Seriously, man?

Apparently Bill White eats puppies for breakfast and Rick Perry is a Republican. I support Perry.

Man, with all these puppy-eating politicians, it's a wonder there are any puppies left!

Uzi-Bazooka wrote:Man, with all these puppy-eating politicians, it's a wonder there are any puppies left!

Do you think they still have the same flavor once they've matured to full-grown dogs?

Excellent question. How can we find out?

Public taste test, perhaps? But don't tell anybody they're eating dogs.

Falcon Paunch wrote:Public taste test, perhaps? But don't tell anybody they're eating dogs.

We'll say it's... beef... Casserole... With... Fur.

The Wheelchair wrote:

Falcon Paunch wrote:Public taste test, perhaps? But don't tell anybody they're eating dogs.

We'll say it's... beef... Casserole... With... Fur.

Wouldn't we de-fur it?

Falcon Paunch wrote:

The Wheelchair wrote:

Falcon Paunch wrote:Public taste test, perhaps? But don't tell anybody they're eating dogs.

We'll say it's... beef... Casserole... With... Fur.

Wouldn't we de-fur it?

How would it be an accurate taste test then? The fur gives 'em their flavor! What did you think it was? Their colons?

The Wheelchair wrote:

Falcon Paunch wrote:

The Wheelchair wrote:

Falcon Paunch wrote:Public taste test, perhaps? But don't tell anybody they're eating dogs.

We'll say it's... beef... Casserole... With... Fur.

Wouldn't we de-fur it?

How would it be an accurate taste test then? The fur gives 'em their flavor! What did you think it was? Their colons?

...It does?

Falcon Paunch wrote:

The Wheelchair wrote:

Falcon Paunch wrote:

The Wheelchair wrote:

Falcon Paunch wrote:Public taste test, perhaps? But don't tell anybody they're eating dogs.

We'll say it's... beef... Casserole... With... Fur.

Wouldn't we de-fur it?

How would it be an accurate taste test then? The fur gives 'em their flavor! What did you think it was? Their colons?

...It does?

Will someone please get this lady an education in canine dishes? My god this is like common knowledge.

OK!

Spoiler:

Oh, and since that little URL at the bottom is hard to read and harder to cut-and-pate, here's a tiny version of it: http://tinyurl.com/Maxwillrule
Wheelie at least should go to that site.

Dang, Uzi, thanks for providing a link to that old site. I've been meaning to plug it into the ol' web archive for a while and see what it was like back in th' day, but as you all know, I'm too lazy. While you're at it, gimme two box Oreos and a grilled cheese. Thanks!